My dysfunctional week

I have wanted to do Diva Challenge #62, spiral vs Paradox, all week long. It’s a perfect match to my week, which spiraled out of control when my Aunt Virginia died monday afternoon. I was on the road to Pittsburgh tuesday morning for the funeral on wednesday. My dad’s last sibling.

While here, I picked up my parents ashes, abandoned by me seven years ago. I finalized their burial plans, all but the date, while in town. I drove around the city, visiting my old childhood haunts. I could barely see my grandmother’s old apartment high-rise thru the waterfall of tears.

There was good chaos in meeting relatives again, the ones you are close to but just exchange Christmas cards with. I saw my friend, Dawn, and ate a delish Primanti Bros. sandwich.

As much as I was and am there for my uncle, I am trying so, so hard not to empathize with his loss. “Imagine if it were your husband?” Our 8.5 years of marriage is a far cry from my uncle’s 57 years, but I can’t feel that pain. I don’t want to. I don’t have to and I don’t want to imagine that.

But I see my uncle’s face, his eyes that cloud over, the redness and squinting as he tries to hold back his own tearful waterfall. We spent 4 hours together, neither of us wanting to leave. He wanted company, not to be alone in his house. I wanted to be there for him and I so desperately wanted to leave.

I have a five hour drive staring at me, but I needed to decompress. Paradox is a nice tangle, just straight lines. How hard can that be?

20120316-164039.jpg
Then I became scared because Zentangle did not work.

I did everything I shouldn’t: gripped my pen tightly; held my breath; gritted my teeth; erased some dangling string lines; rushed thru some shapes not turning my tile. My hand shook, my lines unsteady and I created the sense of chaos I feel. By the end, I could breathe. I am happy with my tile. I so wanted to do one in color, too, but what little energy I have now must be saved for that five hour drive. I desperately need an old-school hug from my husband.

Advertisements

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jane
    Mar 16, 2012 @ 14:03:41

    Sorry about your loss I hope you’re feeling better.
    Seems like you got more than a few things accomplished.

    Reply

  2. ledenzer
    Mar 16, 2012 @ 16:36:35

    Interesting how you have conveyed the feel of spiraling out of control. The spiral leaves the tile and enters it in unexpected places. I really find it intriguing. I hope that you will feel the love of all those you have lost by cherishing every memory of the life the spent with you!

    Reply

  3. Susan Art
    Mar 17, 2012 @ 04:20:46

    You have really created something lovely here. I am very sorry about your loss.

    Reply

Care to share your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

My coolest posts, voted by you!

%d bloggers like this: