My dysfunctional week

I have wanted to do Diva Challenge #62, spiral vs Paradox, all week long. It’s a perfect match to my week, which spiraled out of control when my Aunt Virginia died monday afternoon. I was on the road to Pittsburgh tuesday morning for the funeral on wednesday. My dad’s last sibling.

While here, I picked up my parents ashes, abandoned by me seven years ago. I finalized their burial plans, all but the date, while in town. I drove around the city, visiting my old childhood haunts. I could barely see my grandmother’s old apartment high-rise thru the waterfall of tears.

There was good chaos in meeting relatives again, the ones you are close to but just exchange Christmas cards with. I saw my friend, Dawn, and ate a delish Primanti Bros. sandwich.

As much as I was and am there for my uncle, I am trying so, so hard not to empathize with his loss. “Imagine if it were your husband?” Our 8.5 years of marriage is a far cry from my uncle’s 57 years, but I can’t feel that pain. I don’t want to. I don’t have to and I don’t want to imagine that.

But I see my uncle’s face, his eyes that cloud over, the redness and squinting as he tries to hold back his own tearful waterfall. We spent 4 hours together, neither of us wanting to leave. He wanted company, not to be alone in his house. I wanted to be there for him and I so desperately wanted to leave.

I have a five hour drive staring at me, but I needed to decompress. Paradox is a nice tangle, just straight lines. How hard can that be?

Then I became scared because Zentangle did not work.

I did everything I shouldn’t: gripped my pen tightly; held my breath; gritted my teeth; erased some dangling string lines; rushed thru some shapes not turning my tile. My hand shook, my lines unsteady and I created the sense of chaos I feel. By the end, I could breathe. I am happy with my tile. I so wanted to do one in color, too, but what little energy I have now must be saved for that five hour drive. I desperately need an old-school hug from my husband.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jane
    Mar 16, 2012 @ 14:03:41

    Sorry about your loss I hope you’re feeling better.
    Seems like you got more than a few things accomplished.


  2. ledenzer
    Mar 16, 2012 @ 16:36:35

    Interesting how you have conveyed the feel of spiraling out of control. The spiral leaves the tile and enters it in unexpected places. I really find it intriguing. I hope that you will feel the love of all those you have lost by cherishing every memory of the life the spent with you!


  3. Susan Art
    Mar 17, 2012 @ 04:20:46

    You have really created something lovely here. I am very sorry about your loss.


Care to share your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

My coolest posts, voted by you!

%d bloggers like this: